Gary M. expected to retire in January, and start living his dream. He had a real strategy, too, after working so hard for so many years to provide
for his family, and prepare financially for this next stage of his life.
He wanted to sail in the Caribbean, take a passenger train across Canada, explore history in Europe, and the tracks of each slope in his adopted home state of Colorado. He had already chosen and secured cards routes.
He never had a chance.
Gary died in October at age 67, hit by malignant pleural mesothelioma, a rare and aggressive cancer. He destroyed his future so quickly, leaving his family heart broken but determined to help others avoid the same pitfalls. His last name is withheld on privacy.
"I think his biggest disappointment was that he did not have the chance to do all the things he wanted and expected to do," said his daughter Heather, who moved to Denver to live with his father in the last months. "Not being able to live his retirement was hard on him There were so many things he wanted to do Perhaps there is a lesson here.".
most poignant Heather tips: "Do not wait .."
Do not Hesitate on Second Opinion
Do not wait to seek medical assistance if something feels wrong. Do not wait to seek second and third opinions for cancer like this. Do not wait too
end at retirement. And do not expect to have important discussions at the end of life with your family.
"I'm a little angry about that and how it all happened, knowing that I cheated a bit," Heather said. "I wonder if we could have done things differently. If it helps others, I am quite. "
Gary spent his post-Navy career as a commercial pilot for American Airlines, then as an inspector from the Federal Aviation Administration. It was exceptionally healthy for much of his life. He had a good health insurance. He had a great retirement package that awaits him. He had money in the bank.
He had everything, but mesothelioma did not care.
This was diagnosed in April. He died six months later. He has not stopped going to work until the last six weeks. He was driving his car the week before his death.
He paid the bills on his desk at home just four days before his death.
"I really felt through all this there is still so many doctors do not know about mesothelioma" , she said. "Even the thoracic oncologists do not really have all the answers. It happened so fast at the end. You know what's coming, but you do not realize how fast it can happen. "
diagnosis took so long
Especially frustrating for the family was the period of its origin took to diagnose mesothelioma, depriving him of any chance to potentially curative surgery. Gary d first showed symptoms in the fall of 2011, but was told it was nothing really serious.
He does not think twice about the work he had worked before college to local salvage yard, where he tore old machinery Navy, that could have been exposed to toxic asbestos fibers can lead to mesothelioma. it usually takes 20 to 50 years between exposure to asbestos and diagnosis of mesothelioma.
the doctors told him later that he had fluid around his lungs and pleural effusion and possible pneumonia. He was 18 months before a biopsy finally revealed mesothelioma. D Until then, it had already spread to the lymph nodes.
He showed improvement after the first few cycles of chemotherapy, but his conditioning Cable compounded by later rounds. When he then looked for a second expert opinion on the east coast, sending her medical records in advance, he was told that there was little he could do, and stay where he was in Denver. Another Cancer Center encouraged to fly across the country, saying the same thing when they were looking at him.
have these important conversations
"We lost a lot of time. And the travel was rough on him. It just added to the frustration. It has a long way to really no reason, "she said. "If we had known it was only a few months left, we could have done things a little differently in regard to quality of life issues."
Heather said her father may have shot earlier in alternative medicine, a more holistic approach to treatment instead of debilitating chemotherapy, which drained her both physically and mentally.
"We were open to what was going on, but there were things we could talk about. When he finally accepted that he would die, we thought that there were several weeks or months left, "she said. "He ended up spending a week later. As much as you may think you have the time to have these difficult conversations, you have to move quickly. You can not wait."
Gary was buried in Bristol, RI, near where he grew up, which is what he asked. Too many details, however, were never discussed. Too many things were left unsaid.
"I wanted to tell him much, but just did not give me the opportunity of this disease, and how it all worked," said Heather. "You can not get that back. You can not wait."
