The day my husband, Brian, was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, everything changed. I forgot all about the little things that had once seemed so important and have come to understand that nothing was more important to me than the love of my husband and my family.
When I am no longer able to take Brian's life for granted, I realized that I could not take someone's life for granted, including that of my family. It made me appreciate them more.
The whole family is affected
The diagnosis of Brian was a shock not only to Brian and me, but to all members of our family.
His short prognosis of three to nine months did even worse, and we were all in mourning. My main concern was Brian; the concern of our families was for both of us.
The decision to Brian to continue living in Exmouth, some 1,0 kilometers (745 miles) from Perth, did not help. Airfares in Exmouth were expensive and it was too far to drive. Because of this, we do not know when they would be able to see us again, and the prognosis Brian played heavily on everyone's mind.
Knowing how difficult it was for me to let Brian out of my sight, I realize how hard it must have been for our family members to greet us with the thought that they may never see Brian again.
I really needed My Family
Living so far away from my family at a time when I needed was the hardest for me. Although I find some emotional relief in regular phone calls they made, it could not replace a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on.
Brian and I stayed in Exmouth for 12 months before returning to Perth for the start of Brian chemotherapy treatments. Although it upset Brian to leave Exmouth and fishing trips behind, I found a relief knowing that I would soon have the support I need so badly.
We bought a house near our children and enjoyed the diversion of the establishment of our new house and garden for us. We spent many hours to go to nurseries and plant selection for garden beds and also for the pergola, which created a lot of fun for Brian and his favorite place to go.
How it was good for both of us to see our family regularly! I delighted in the company of my children and grandchildren and I promised that I never put myself so far from them.
How my family helped me
Just having my family close and know they would be there if I had them was a huge comfort, but it was not long before I need physical help.
Wanting nothing more than to help us, my family took everything that was necessary. All I had to do was ask.
One of the things I was worried about Brian was driving to the hospital for his chemotherapy treatments, because I did not have the driving experience in the city. Fortunately, Brian's sister, Pat, offered to drive us to and from the hospital whenever he was needed, which was a huge relief. His company in these difficult times was also very appreciated.
Another chore, I was happy to give up the maintenance of our lawns and gardens. Our son, Clint, stepped in to do this for me, and I am grateful for the extra time which allowed me to pass with Brian
Washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning -. All the things we women do every day without thinking - can become a huge burden when you are caring for a relative with mesothelioma. I really enjoyed the many times our girls love, Michelle and Julie, intervened to relieve me of these tasks.
Emotional Support
Help practice, I was still in need of emotional support. Not wanting to put more rough emotional ordeal of my children, I wanted a lot of my pain inside. It was not necessary when I was with the sister of Brian; I could talk to him about anything.
Since we had both agreed that there was no cure for mesothelioma Brian, we talked about what was ahead, and I could not express my fear of dying Brian . His selfless support me despite his own grief permit for my pent up emotions overflow. The relief I found in Pat's loving arms at these times can not be measured.
Pat and I were a great team. There were many times when we helped Brian to the car, bundled her wheelchair and oxygen bottle and took him to places where he could still enjoy the beauty around him.
When at home, Brian loved nothing more than a good game of dice with someone who was ready. His mind was still sharp, and he managed to win more often.
Sometimes all I wanted was to be alone with Brian and Pat and my family respected that. There was a time, however, when we felt the end was near. Not wanting to be alone with Brian when he died, I made a list so that a family member was with me at all times
Fortunately, I am not alone when Brian died. our three children and his beloved sister, Pat, was right next to me.
I will always be grateful to Pat and to my family, who, despite their own pain, were there to support me during the most difficult and saddest of my life.
There is an old saying that says.. "There is nothing like family"
For me, there has never been truer words spoken
sharing your trip with your family
If you are caring for a loved with mesothelioma, here are some helpful tips regarding sharing this trip with your family:
- Don 't underestimate the love and support of your family can give you.
- reach out to your family for help when you need it. They will be waiting for you to ask.
- Find a family member who you can talk about your feelings. They will not judge you.
- do not hold back your tears. your family will be there to comfort you.
- do not try to do it alone. your family will come to your side.
- Remember that your family is in mourning too. Give them a hug when they need them.
- Tell your family that you love them and that you are grateful for their support.
Take care. And let me please comment on Facebook.
