The worst day of my life on 18 December 1999.
This was the day doctors diagnosed my husband Brian with pleural mesothelioma, a deadly, incurable cancer. Brian's prognosis was three to nine months.
I was standing next to him when the doctors broke the tragic news. It shocked me to the core. The enormity of the situation left no room for any other emotion. Later that day, I was a rollercoaster of emotions. Fear was the most crushing of all.
Brian was 52 when he was diagnosed with terminal illness. I was 49. Other than writing our wills, some years ago, none of us had discussed the inevitability of our death. We were both fit and healthy and had assumed we grow old together. Death was the furthest thing from our minds.
Brian prognosis changed everything. Death had entered our lives, and we had more freedom to ignore.
The thought of the death of Brian terrified me. I did not know of the death process. I was worried about what would happen to Brian, and how I deal
The cruelest torture. Live in expectation of his death. Prognosis of three to nine months was heavy on my mind. I constantly wondered if he would survive for three months, nine full months, or somewhere in between.
With no idea how or when he was going to die, I expect it could happen at any time. I hate to let him out of my sight for fear he might die suddenly - leaving me without a chance to say goodbye
Despite my fears, Brian does not die in three months .. In fact, he was still alive five months after his diagnosis. Every day, he survived was a precious gift; However, with each passing month, I could not help thinking that we drew closer to the next deadline of nine months.
The fear of the unknown
Although I feared the death of Brian on many levels, it was my fear of the unknown that caused the greatest sorrow. Before Brian disease, death was a mystery I was in no hurry to resolve.
imminent death of Brian made me realize the only way I could help was to understand what was happening and to anticipate problems. That's why I decided to learn about the process of death and understand what is happening to someone as they approach death.
The Web has been a valuable tool for me. For example, shortly after diagnosis of mesothelioma Brian, I was looking for information on pain and how to bring it under control.
The information I had found it online this time, helped me to understand the symptoms of mesothelioma and what Brian physical aids might need in the future. I put these aids in place so that they are available if needed. Looking ahead helped me alleviate any pain or discomfort that Brian might have suffered.
Such an instance occurred when Brian woke up one morning and found his legs could no longer support him. Anticipating this could happen at some stage, I had acquired a wheelchair and kept handy.
When I brought Brian wheelchair, his relief was obvious.
Online resources also taught me about pain and how it can be controlled. The routine management of pain that I put in place has significantly improved the quality of life of Brian
Brian Comfort :. My main concern near the end
I wanted to make sure his death was as peaceful and painless as possible. Use reputable sites, I found lots of information about the process of death and it helped a lot.
One of my main concerns was the growing amount of symptoms Brian felt that her illness progressed, and I often feared that his death was imminent.
Online Information I found helped me understand that this was not necessarily true, and that there are physical and emotional signs that give an indication of the death process begin.
Despite his prognosis of three to nine months, Brian survived two years and was active and alert until three days before his death. In recent days, it became clear to me that his battle with mesothelioma was almost over.
I am grateful for online information that I had died and dying. My understanding of what happened to Brian took away my fear of the unknown, and I am better able to deal with each situation as it came.
When Brian died, part of me died with him. There are no words to describe my grief.
However, I found much peace knowing that I could support him to the end.
