When my husband, Brian, was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, the news was incredibly hard to bear, and there were many days when I wondered. how I
continue
Because of him, I tried to be strong - and managed to look the outside. Inside, however, I am incredibly fragile and was easily hurt
every time someone said something that was inappropriate.
Although I understand how difficult it may be for them to think of the right thing to say it would have been
much better for me if they had not said anything.
inappropriate Comments
I remember one occasion shortly after the diagnosis of Brian when I said a met my sad news. Expect some sympathy, I was shocked when it launched
into a tirade about a friend who had died of mesothelioma
?? His pain was excruciating, ??. she says, ?? He used to twist around in agony, and there was nothing that could be done about it. ??
His comments made me Brian image in the same state, and I became so upset that I could hardly speak. Later, I wondered why this woman chose
tells a horror story for me. While this may be true, it was the last thing I wanted or needed to hear.
What I really needed at the time was for her to recognize my suffering. I would have been so relieved if she had said something like: ?? Oh, that is such
sad news ?? or ?? I'm so sorry.??
I would also have received a warm hug, that I was always particularly gratifying.
Pretense of Normality
Despite Brian terminal diagnosis, we tried to go on with our lives as we always have. I understood how important it was for Brian, but
all became a bit surreal for me. I found it increasingly difficult to act as if everything was normal. This created such a stir in me, and I hopelessly
need to express what I felt.
The ability to do so, however, is extremely rare. When friends and acquaintances came to visit, they always asked how Brian was - and it was only
natural. There were many times, however, when I asked myself, Why people do not ask me how I am or what I feel?
There were days when I could not keep the semblance of normality longer, and I tell a complete stranger that my husband was dying. The look of
shock and sympathy on their faces justifies how I felt, and I am able to find a measure of relief in this area.
Heartless Doctors Can Be, Too
during the illness of Brian, we visited a number of doctors, and I was amazed at how differently each of they treated him. Some showed no
compassion for his situation, and I came away from their desks wondering how they could be so cruel.
By far, the worst of them was the young doctor who had delivered the diagnosis of Brian. ?? Mesothelioma, three to nine months, I think ?? was the way he chose
tell Brian that he was dying.
Whatever this man had to deliver the tragic news so? While it could never be easy to tell someone that they will die, there
no excuse for not sensitive to the doctor
I can only hope that time and his own experiences inevitable loss teach it. man how to treat other human beings in the future.
Second on the list was a much older doctor who offers us any courtesy when we entered his office. Already uncomfortable, I sat
quietly while Brian told him about his legs are swollen and bruised. I could not believe my ears when the doctor replied. ?? You are dying; What do you
wait ???
Hearing this, I ached for Brian. He was so bravely face with the horror of his situation, and it is unacceptable to me that he was treated in
as a means. I felt like saying to the doctor ?? Would you be so brave, if the situation were reversed? Why not give Brian the respect it deserves ???
It was quite obvious to me that the doctor said that once you are terminally ill, you are not important. How little he knew of the strength of the human spirit.
Other doctors offer Respect, Compassion
Moreover, there were two doctors who saw Brian not only as a patient with terminal cancer, but also as 'vital human being he was still.
At each visit, they never failed to greet him with a smile. And knowing how much he loved to go fishing, they would always ask him how he had
taken lately. Only then they move on the medical side of things. In this they were always respectful of both Brian and my feelings, and this
meant the world to us.
We were always raised when we visited these two doctors who had the wisdom to understand that despite his terminal diagnosis, Brian was another human being in need and he deserved to be treated with
the upmost respect and compassion.
Fortunately, they also had the wisdom to know that their actions and words could have a huge impact on those who were less fortunate.
I think there is a lesson in this for us all.
