Taking the role of primary caregiver to a loved one with cancer is a huge undertaking, but there are a lot of caregivers who will not ask for help and may even refuse when it is offered.
for those wishing to help a family fight against cancer, it can be difficult to understand why they choose to go it alone, rather than ask for help.
Remember that two families will react to a diagnosis of cancer in the same way, everyone has their own reasons for acting as they do.
Why caregivers Don 't ask for help
Why some people are reluctant to seek help even when they need it? There are several reasons.
privacy
For some, especially those who like to keep their private belongings, it may seem invasive to let other people know what is happening in their lives.
Lack of control
Having more control over what happens in your life is a devastating experience, and some people may become depressed as a result. Depression can weaken a person to the extent that they are barely able to function. Many people who are depressed are not able to ask for help because it is too painful to talk about how they feel.
Pride
Some people are very proud that have always been able to look after themselves and have never asked anyone for help. They take on the challenges of cancer in the same way they have taken any other challenge in life, and resist seeking help, even if they are in need.
Accountability
In some cases, the reluctance of a caregiver to reach out to help could come from their sense of responsibility or the person's duty they take care. They may feel that if they can help, they are shirking their responsibility
sign of weakness
Asking for help may be seen by some as a sign of weakness - . An indication that they are not up to the task. They may even feel that family members and friends will judge them if they admit that they are unable to cope. These caregivers take the entire burden themselves as a way to prove to everyone that they are able to do so.
not wanting to cause trouble
not wanting to be a nuisance or a burden to anyone, some caregivers are reluctant to ask family members for help.
Status of their home or appearance
Caring for a loved one with cancer is a full time job, and it is often difficult to stay on top of the household. Let people in the house, especially in times when it may not be looking its best, can make people feel uncomfortable. In addition, they may feel embarrassed others see them in a disheveled state.
how others do tasks
Everyone has their own way of doing things and their own sense of order in their house, and although this may seem trivial, it can become very irritating when someone does things differently. For this reason, caregivers may decide not to ask for help and do everything themselves so that things can continue to do the same way they are accustomed.
Guilt
Not being able to cope when a loved one needs them the most can mean a caregiver to feel guilty about their own needs.
Wishes of patients
Sometimes it is not the patient and caregiver that determines what to be done regarding their care. The patient may not want someone fussing over them nor want anyone to know their business. This can make it difficult for the caregiver, especially when they want to ask for help, but do not want to go against the patient's wishes.
What caregivers need
When it comes to helping someone to care for a loved one with cancer, it is a delicate situation and that requires a lot of sensitivity and trust.
The first thing caregivers need is for people to understand that they feel very vulnerable and way out of their comfort zone. They are also deeply concerned about their ability to help their families cope with the pain and symptoms associated with cancer, and are more likely feel quite helpless and scared of what the future holds. These feelings sometimes make it difficult for them to express their needs, and their refusal to accept help is often misinterpreted.
be treated the same as before
Cancer exchange what happens to a person; it does not change who the person is. The same could be said for caregivers. Taking the role of caregiver does not mean taking a different personality. Caregivers are the same people they always were, and they want and need for family members and friends to act normally around them.
When I was treating my husband, Brian, during his mesothelioma disease, one of my friends told me. "I do not know how to act around you and Brian more" My answer was for her, "Act normally and this is exactly what Brian and I are trying to do"
normally acting around me and Brian was by far the most useful and appreciated thing. anyone could have done for us at that time.
to be heard
caregivers want to talk to someone who allows them to recognize the pain and suffering they feel rather than being encouraged not there think, not to speak -. or worse, offered a platitude
Cancer Information and treatments
caregivers should know where they can learn more about the type of cancer and their family members with what they can do to help. They also need to talk to someone who cared for someone with cancer and understands what they go through.
A relationship with Dr.
Caregivers must be respected by the medical profession for the valuable work they do and need to be involved in decision making on medical treatment their loved one.
Social Interaction
participation in family meetings and social outings with friends is very necessary for both the cancer patient and caregiver. Having the ability to focus on someone else is a welcome diversion, and it is very useful if you do not speak of cancer during these occasions.
Care
One of the most important things are needs of caregivers is to stay healthy so they can continue to care for their relatives. Unfortunately, their health is often the last thing on the mind of a caregiver.
I will be on vacation, this is my last blog until I return in early October.
