I had an awkward moment and tearful when I was asked my father shortly after his death a mesothelioma in 1993.
Those who knew me knew that it was just too tender a subject to discuss.
the story of my experience with my father's death is a loner. At the time, at least in my family, in search of advice was out of the question because she wore a negative stigma. My mother ?? didn t see how counseling was necessary for me to handle everything on my plate.
Young years are quite difficult to experience, but throw in the death of a parent, and you will probably have some issues better handled by a professional. I do not ?? t blame my mother. She just wasn ?? t aware of my needs. After all, she is the one who treated her husband of 22 years until his death.
Starting a new life
After the death of my father, we moved 212 miles away to ?? have a fresh start. ?? I was in grade 10, and did not fit well with my entourage.
I was a stranger to my peers. They had attended school together since kindergarten. I felt strange that I entered my first class. I walked in a few minutes late, and my ?? maturity ?? high heels and purple dress didn ?? t boost my confidence. I was there; I was dressed differently from the other, and my northern accent didn ?? t help either.
When the teacher asked me to introduce myself to the class, and I nervously stood timidly announced my name. His answer: ?? You ?? re not from here are you ??? I felt welcomed, but before I could sit down, he asked, ?? Who's your daddy ???
I choked me.
I bit the big right in front of a whole class of aliens. Tears my eyes and streaming down my cheeks before I could catch them. It had been nine months since I watched my dad coffin ?? s lowered into the ground, and I was not ready to answer that question publicly.
Pick up the pieces of your life
So how did you start to pick up pieces of your life when you lose someone so close?
I retired to my room and stopped. Sometimes I would go days without eating or sleeping. I am depressed, and oddly enough, I was angry. I was angry that my life was such a mess. I was angry that we had to move. I was angry that my mother wasn ?? t act like a mother more. I was so mad.
It takes courage to admit it, but I'm still angry against my father to die. He left me before I was ready to let go.
build relationships with new friends
It was late 1994 before I open myself enough for my peers to recognize one of them as my friends.
relationships and activities that I forged with my new friends helped me lurching out of the darkness. I kept busy with schoolwork and also kept my mind off the death of my father. I worked to make a living for myself and my mother. She picked up her own songs and her help made me feel good, too.
The following spring, I took on some of the jobs that my father would have done, like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn and paint the rooms in our new home. I was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. It just took me a while to find it.
Passing Stories my father to my children
I am now 36, and I wish I could say that I'm better now.
I still miss my father. Sometimes I still cry. I continue to face difficult times where I have to hold back the tears, and there are times when I can ?? t hold them.
I remember the first time one of my children asked me for my father. I cried a lot that day. Now I find joy in telling stories about them ?? Papaw Rick. ?? They hang on every my word, and it really touches my heart to hear them speak its name.
Sometimes they will remember each other on the stories I told. Sometimes when we eat dinner, my daughter will say to his brother, ?? It was the favorite of Rick Papaw ??! ??
Advice to Other Walking the Path of Cancer
Experiencing the death of a loved one is not an easy road to travel. However, it is inevitable for all of us.
My advice to those diagnosed with mesothelioma and their families is to never, ever lose hope. There are treatments available today that were not available in 1993.
Support groups are available for people traveling the same path as you. Talk to someone who can understand your feelings and emotions. Someone who can help you find the pieces of your life diffused by this disease.
I always pray for breakthroughs in treatments and to find a cure for mesothelioma. I pray that one asbestos day will be something our distant past. Until then, we are all connected by
diagnosis, prognosis and treatment of this disease. Whether you or someone you love is diagnosed, remember, there is always hope.
