Although my cancer is in remission, he never leaves my thoughts.
Whenever I take a bath, I see several scars and incision points across my abdomen. When I get my socks in the morning, I see my alter ego, Janet (my wig), watching me. When I look in the mirror, I see short hair, twisted and not, long straight locks of hair once I got tons of compliments on.
There are not much better when I leave the house.
I travel to Tulsa, Okla., Every 0 days for a checkup. So here I am surrounded by cancer fighters who are on the same battlefield, I was. I also learn about another warrior transition to another life.
These visits and other traumatic life events in my past are sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by death. They also make me ponder my own mortality.
Bittersweet Celebration
My peritoneal mesothelioma went into remission in June 2012, give me a new lease on life.
I had celebrated the completion and thought I was finally free! As it happens, I am free to chemotherapy sessions and nausea, but not without thoughts of dying. The life expectancy for a person with peritoneal mesothelioma is not encouraging.
Instead of enjoying my life without cancer, a tragedy involving childhood friends hit near the house and shifted my attention to a darker perspective.
a Wednesday morning, in the middle of carpool duty, I received an alarming call from my cousin. She said that my friend had killed his wife and himself. These two childhood friends left behind two children, ages 4 and 6.
The news sent shivers down my spine. I felt every imaginable emotion: Shock, anger, sadness and empathy. My friends were both 37. I can not imagine what led to this circumstance; However, he forced me to take stock of my own life.
Taking Stock of Life
Before this incident, I always wondered when my last day would come because of this disease. I thought the funeral arrangements, arrange for my children and other plans. These thoughts of death haunts me every day. I felt guilty because I was there, the chance to be in remission but obsessed with my own death.
I attended the funeral of my departed friends. He was sad and instructive. As the death was read, I realized that I had not accomplished much in my life so far. There were hundreds of people present. Would I have that kind of presence at my funeral?
Probably not.
It was obvious to me that I have a lot remains to be done. None of my goals can be accomplished from the tomb, they can not do if I am distracted by my own thoughts of death.
Each of us is born with an expiration date. Some of us are clued when our time is near, and others are not. My diagnosis was the reality check that I had to remind myself that we must all make the transition to another life.
Instead of funeral plans, I decided to enjoy my life while I'm cancer free and in remission.
