Shortly before my 50th birthday, Brian, my husband of 30 years, visited his doctor to find out why he had suddenly started breathlessness experience.
When the answer came, he could not be more devastating.
X-rays revealed a large amount of fluid in his chest caused his dyspnea. Further tests confirmed it was his first known symptoms of pleural mesothelioma, a cancer linked to asbestos incurable.
When I learned the disease would kill Brian in three to nine months, the bottom fell out of my world. All I once thought important sank into insignificance, including small business retail clothing I had proudly built from the ground up.
Not wanting to waste a single precious moment Brian and I had left together, I put the company up for sale. Fortunately, it sold quickly.
For a short period following diagnosis, Brian ?? didn t look sick or feel sick. He continued to live life as usual, to work five days a week and fish at every opportunity. In the early days, it was hard to believe he was terminally ill.
Dealing with a countdown to death
Like the first two months accelerated the prognosis of Brian ?? played heavily on my mind.
The three cruel nine-month life expectancy left me feeling as if he could die at any moment. As each month drew to a close, I was afraid it would not do to another. Anxiety overwhelmed me.
After eight months, I was dreading the start of the ninth month and what it would bring. I felt as if Brian was on a countdown to death.
Although I tried to appear strong for Brian and our three children, my nerves were at breaking point. I was determined to take care of him at home, but I am constantly worried about my ability to provide the level of care he might require. An even greater fear was that I would not be emotionally strong to allow him to die at home as I had promised.
The ninth month came and went, and Brian was still alive. Doctors placed immediately below its survival, and I was able to focus on improving quality of life rather than thinking about his death.
Making Life of Brian ?? More comfortable
More than anything, I wanted to be sure he didn ?? t suffer unnecessary pain.
using the information I found online, I developed a pain management routine that has managed to keep his pain to a minimum. This allowed him to remain active and able to live life as normal as possible.
My ability to do it for him removed helplessness I had experienced after learning his diagnosis. However, he ?? didn t remove the constant fear of the thought of losing him. Most nights I cried myself to sleep and woke up with the thought of his imminent death on my mind.
Throughout the day, I look and think, ?? What will my life without you ?? ? On my darkest days, I thought I would die with him than live the rest of my life without him.
I started a journal as a way to manage my pain. Write down my feelings every day, often like poetry, alleviated some of my concerns, but there was something else that finally helped me stay strong.
Log in with my spirituality
There were countless times during the illness of Brian ?? I would find a quiet place, close your eyes and ask for the strength to continue.
, without exception, always promoted a sense of calm and renewal energy that I had to face the day. I do not ?? t consider myself a religious person and am not in the habit of prayer, but I did accept that something or someone was answering my prayers.
At some level, I came to understand that I had become spiritual, but I do not know what really meant spirituality.
When I turned to the Web for clarification, I find many sites offering people interpretations ?? spirituality. The following is closest to the way I would interpret my spiritual experience:
- Spirituality is the search for the meaning of life
- Spirituality is the conscious recognition 'a ?? individual of a soul. who lives in their mortal body.
- spirituality is a search for connection to a power in the universe that is greater than their personal existence.
- Spirituality fixed free to follow your heart and be the best person you can be.
Whatever the explanation, I do not doubt that spirituality gave me the strength to face the challenge of taking care of Brian for the two years of her illness, and ability to fulfill my promise that he would die at home.
caregivers and cancer patients benefit from the spirituality
After Brian died, I started working in a cancer support center. I found myself not only when it came to providing care and spirituality. My work brought me into contact with many caregivers who, like me, had found strength when necessary.
I also had the opportunity to meet a number of cancer patients who told me that tap into their spiritual side had improved their lives in a number of ways, including:
- improved control of nausea associated with chemotherapy
- Better pain control
- feelings Reduced anxiety and depression
- reduced feelings of anger
- increased optimism and hope
- Improving the quality of life
Spirituality helped me move on with My life
almost 14 years have passed since Brian died.
time has eased the pain of my loss and helped me move on with my life, but there are many times when I think of him and aspire to what once was.
My spiritual awareness helps me through these moments and gives me hope that one day, well beyond this world, we will be together again.
