My husband came to work outside one day last fall. He had a worried look on his face when he told me that our neighbor had passed.
I immediately turned and headed toward the kitchen, without saying a word. He followed, and curiously asked what I was doing. I cried on my clang of pots and pans ?? Frying chicken ??
families acquire the means to face death. In my family we eat. We cook, we order to feed us, we eat. This is our way to make sense of things. We gather in the kitchen, and if you are not hungry, we will always serve you a plate because it's what we do to heal.
Diet plays an important role in how Grieves Our family
After battling mesothelioma for 13 months, my father took his last breath, November 4, 1993 at 17:08 It was 45.
I rode to the hospital that night with my brother and his wife. As we arrived the car in the driveway, we found many of our family members had gathered in our house.
While some of my memories of that time are clouded by pain, I remember very well the aroma that filled the kitchen tonight ?? Pizza.
The next few days seemed to pass like a tornado. For those who have experienced the death of a loved one, I'm sure you can relate. It is a surreal feeling to be there, but not being there.
family members and friends came and went to see how the family was facing. Others came by their condolences. But I remember that everybody brought food, and we all ate.
picture Isn ?? t that what we're supposed to do when someone dies?
Mourning isn ?? your comic although we step in following a loss. Each person has their own grieving process, but we often have similar experiences.
We attend memorial services, funerals and wakes. We express our condolences and we try to be understanding. We weep and mourn together.
what comes after the initial shock?
Those who remain struggle to pick up the fragments that remain of their lives.
People try to regain that sense of normalcy. I know how this process can be. It takes time, and more importantly ?? it needs support.
When my father died, some of our family members stayed for a few days. Some helped with daily tasks like cooking and cleaning. At the time, I did not notice it was even the case.
Somebody put the pizza in the oven and someone washed the dishes. Someone else does the laundry, and another person stood up home. I do not remember ?? who made all these tasks because I was a teenager when I lost my father. But I am forever grateful for those who helped.
Living pain has a way of bringing families when they feel torn.
Families are linked in support of another by the crisis. People often ask, ?? Is what I can do ??? Social norms of politeness dictate our responses ?? No, I'm okay.??
It is OK to Need Help During Critical Times
There are a few things members of the family can do to show support for the other. They treat simple things that just don ?? t seem to concern us when we mourn. Allow them to go grocery shopping, doing laundry, pet food and pet care, babysitting, cook meals and wash dishes.
Perhaps it would be more useful to offer a gift certificate to a local restaurant or make a pre frozen pot -cooked with heating instructions. After a few days, invite the family to dinner at home. They might enjoy a little time away from home.
The point is we can cure death of a loved one. Families need each other more in that time than any other. Mourners position must know that they are loved and support they need to put their lives together.
Be the hand to help those you love when they suffer a loss.
But please, do not bring frozen pizza.
Melanie Ball lives in Kentucky. His father, Richard Lloyd Barker, died of mesothelioma in 1993. She is pursuing a bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Phoenix.
