My husband Brian was a simple man who lived an honest life. He worked hard for a living, and loved and I and our three children in care. Brian had not
desire to own a luxury home or a luxury car. As he had a roof over his head, a reliable car and a small boat to go fishing, he was happy
Brian had two passions in his life :. Fishing and cooking. He was a great man with a big appetite and he liked to eat almost any kind of food. His favorite was the seafood, and being an avid fisherman, he had more than ample opportunity to engage in any type of fish or shellfish that took his fancy.
He was an excellent cook, and eventually took over the preparation and cooking of all our main meals. I was happy for him to assume this role. He had an infinite amount of patience, and spent a lot of time and effort creating culinary delights for us and any family member who visited.
Although all meals were wonderful, everyone agreed that he really excelled when it came to his garlic shrimp and steak cordon bleu.
This happy situation would have continued indefinitely had not Brian began experiencing shortness of breath, and went to the doctor to find out why. Subsequent tests revealed that Brian had pleural mesothelioma. He was given a prognosis of three to nine months.
Losing ability to swallow favorite foods
When Brian was diagnosed with mesothelioma, it has not said anything about the stages of the disease or the symptoms could the experience he has progressed. Several months later, he found himself unable to swallow solid food. It was a terrible shock to us.
Following an MRI, Brian was informed that his inability to swallow was caused by a tumor pressing against his esophagus, narrowing of the opening.
This was a cruel blow to Brian, especially as his appetite was still good. To overcome this problem, the doctor arranged for him to have a dilation (stretching of the esophagus). Brian had several of these procedures in the following months.
However, the procedures do not lead to Brian being able to swallow solid food, and all food had to be pureed. Naturally, when these types of meals were presented to Brian, they will try his eye or his palette.
Mesothelioma is a cruel disease. Despite the inability of Brian swallowing solid food, he always aspired his favorite dishes, and often tried to eat a piece of meat or fish. Each time he did this, he was caught in his throat, and I was afraid he might choke.
This caused me great distress, and every time I saw Brian trying to eat solid food, I found myself chewing my own food to a paste, while at the same time Brian willing to swallow.
Finally, Brian had to agree that it was impossible for him to eat solid food and stop trying. Although it was a relief not to worry about choking, inability to eat the food he loved was sick at heart.
Disclaimer Food, Fishing
Since Brian no longer enjoyed eat, he lost interest in cooking. Again, I took this role. Every day I cooked something nutritious for him to eat, but when it was mashed it looked like porridge. I could sympathize with disgust Brian.
Worse, the weight of the support against the tumor Brian esophagus caused the opening of more narrow, allowing only to make him swallow anything, including his own saliva . At this point, palliative chemotherapy was offered in the hope of minimizing the tumor and prolong the life of Brian.
There is no guarantee that the treatment would be successful, but for Brian there was no choice. Without chemotherapy, he would die.
Chemotherapy was unavailable in the country town of Exmouth, where we lived. so we had to arrange accommodation in Perth for the duration of treatment of Brian.
Leaving Exmouth added to the distress of Brian because he liked the possibilities endless fishing he provided for him. When he was fishing, thoughts of illness and death are furthest things from his mind.
Fortunately, chemotherapy Brian received was a success, and her tumor shrank considerably. This means that it could once again eat normally, and he did it with wild abandon. It was wonderful to witness his joy when he enjoyed a good steak or a fish fillet without the fear of it getting caught in his throat.
Despite the temporary respite, doctors warned us the tumor would eventually grow back again.
"One of the Boys
Shortly after Brian had finished his chemotherapy, he expressed the wish to return to Exmouth on a fishing trip with his buddies.
Knowing our time together was limited, I was reluctant to spend time away from him; however, I know how much this trip meant to him, and was able to put my own needs aside.
I sent him with a smile on my face, and was glad he could not see the pain in my heart.
Brian disappeared during this fishing trip for a total of 15 days. Meanwhile, I felt really strange. having him more to take care of, I felt lost and incredibly lonely. I constantly worried that something might happen to him while he was away, and I could never see him alive again.
His nocturnal calls to me were a huge relief. He looked so happy, and I could not help but be happy for him.
Fortunately my fears of not seeing Brian revive after his fishing trip were unfounded. He returned to me with a big smile on his tanned face and a frozen fish cooler.
It was immediately obvious to me that Brian's fishing trip was everything he had hoped for. There were lots of fishing stories to tell, and each time he talked about his time with the boys, his face lit up.
I am so happy that I allowed him to find happiness in his love of fishing, and once again the chance to be one of the boys. "
I am also eternally grateful to my brother-in-law Dennis, who helped Brian with drugs his pain in my absence.
Brian was able to continue eating solid foods for a while after his return from his fishing trip, and during this time he found his love of cooking. It was not surprising that most of the meals he prepared were such "fish", but I was not complaining. I loved to eat fish as much as Brian has.
Keep happy memories
When we lose a loved one, it is our happy memories that help us through the grieving process.
one of my favorite memories: seeing the joy on the face of Brian when he told me his fishing trip, and how good it was to be again one of the boys. I will also cherish my memory to cook him and eat his catch. Together, these memories always warm my heart, and never fail to put a smile on my face.
