- The songs on the radio say ???? Tis the Season to be Jolly, ?? and it may seem that everyone you see is glowing with joy.
But for people with mesothelioma and their families, Christmas can seem less wonderful time of the year. Many families are forced to consider what may be their last holiday season with a relative. Other mark their first Christmas with an empty chair at the family table.
I recently spoke with Monte Drenner, a mental health counselor licensed in Orlando and a friend of mine. He offered some encouragement to you all
Interview with Drenner
. Question: Do you have advised people or families dealing with cancer? Do you have any wisdom to impart to readers of Asbestos.com?
A: Not only do we advise families with cancer, but we have lost family members to cancer. So we understand first-hand the impact that cancer can have on a family. What helped us and what we advise others to do is get in touch with the emotions on the diagnosis, the disease process and the ultimate passage of a loved one. For us, a part of what we experienced was a shock, denial, fear, anger and sadness.
The next step is to learn to feel all those emotions in a healthy way. The worst thing someone can do is to deny that they have feelings about the diagnosis or to suppress their emotions. Feelings are designed to go out and they will speak later. Being in touch with your emotions and express them will help prevent a difficult situation like receiving a cancer diagnosis even more difficult.
The wisdom to convey is that all you feel is OK, give yourself permission to feel your emotions, but do ?? t get stuck in them. The goal is to work through them
Q :. Many of our readers are saying goodbye to a loved one with mesothelioma. This may be their last Christmas together. How can they ensure that this Christmas is a great experience?
A: First, understand that you will always remember last Christmas for your loved ??. The aim is to make these memories as pleasant as possible. During the time together, focus on the fact that you still have with you instead of the expected loss your beloved. Say and express what you have to say while they are still with you.
Too many people regret that they do not repair, resolve conflict and to express their love and appreciation for that person. You can do positive things like taking lots of pictures, try to enjoy each other as much as possible, go through old photos and telling Christmas past. The most important thing is to enjoy the time together
Q :. Other players face their first Christmas without their loved one. During the pain, it may seem that every Christmas carol pique your heart a little deeper, and every cheerful greeting is a reminder of what was lost. What encouragement do you have for them that the holidays are booming
A: Anticipate difficult and challenging emotions during the holidays. The Bible says there is a time to grieve. Do not feel pressure to ?? festivities. ?? The best thing to do is be real. However, if you focus only on the loss during the season, you're going to miss special moments with people still here.
Some people feel guilty to have fun during the holidays after the passing of a family member. Give yourself permission to have fun despite your loss
Q :. For those who are marking Christmas with a hole in their heart, how can they integrate the memory of their loved one in the holiday season? Maybe light a candle or write a letter to their loved
? A: There are several ways to honor the loss of a loved one. You might consider participating in their favorite holiday traditions such as cooking, decorations, ornaments ?? all can help you stay connected to them. It will keep alive their memory and also provide new positive memories. The deceased would probably want the family to start new traditions without them and enjoy the season
Q:.? Additional thoughts for our readers this Christmas season
A: If you feel overwhelmed or stuck, then get professional help, or join a support group. You can also volunteer somewhere. But realize you are in a season of life and you will get through the pain. You will always miss them, but the intensity of loss and grief reduced. It was said that hurt us deeply because we loved deeply. You can take comfort in that part of you as you continue life in a new way.
Takeaways for you and your loved
I am so grateful that Drenner took the time to share with us this holiday season. I prayed that Christmas is a great experience for you.
What you say goodbye to a loved one ?? or to remember someone who is with us ?? the season can bring peace to all of you.
It is good to remember that you are not alone in your pain. Your family and other relatives are there to help in your time of need.
Monte Drenner has over 24 years of consulting experience in helping families, couples and individuals. His counseling practice is based in Orlando, but it also offers advice by telephone or Skype.
